Pushing Buttons

I was talking to RI today, and she said something along the lines of, "I mean, could you blame people (for them being mean to me). You're really good at pushing buttons." And to that comment, I pulled out defense mechanism numero uno to the forefront: DENIAL.

But after hours of thinking about it -- okay, seconds of thinking about it -- I realized that RI was completely right. I have been known for pushing buttons. Blame it on NES or Sega Genesis, but I like to push buttons.

Could you blame me though? I mean -- if you've got a KICK ME sign, I'm going to -- you guessed it -- kick you.

The following isn't exactly the top of my game, but it's just a few things on my mind the past few hours.

#1) I know you claim to be very open-minded, but I'm not sure the belief that "There are many roads that lead to the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal savior" is exactly...religious tolerance. When you're not condemning gays, Jews, and Mexicans (does it sound like the return of the Aryan race), while you're at it, burn the "Happy Holidays" winter trees because if there's one thing Jesus cared about that he showed by his death on the cross, it's semantics.

#2) I understand you went through a couple hundred years of slavery and too much discrimination to this day, but is there anyway that you could stop calling me chink? I mean...I'm sure that someone who has been through as much crap as you -- being whipped by your master...wait no, that was your great-great-great grandfather, I meant hailing down a cab, no wait, that was your father, well, whatever you deal with -- someone who has been through as much crap as you have learned the sensitivity not to make a CHING CHONG CHING joke while walking outside the korean grocery. Yes -- that is the strong black man or woman who have always said -- "I've known the bottom so long that if when someone else is there, I will never ever leave him to suffer like that." And then 9/11 came. "Wait I'm not suspect #1 anymore? See ya later Abu Habib!"

#3) I know that you were cheering to number 2, but if you're white. Stop laughing. Please go to the rodeos and avoid the clubs when you awkwardly have to sing "nigga". Please reserve your laughter at raical jokes for when watching BET ComicView alone at home. And please stop whining about you're losing everything. As Chris Rock said, "If you losing, who's winning? It ain't us!"

One more...

#4) Women -- if you want a guy that is passionate, that is a leader, that loves without bound, that respects your life and body, and gives you the space you need without forgetting your beauty -- the least that we ask of you, is that once in a while. Just once in a while. Stop being a bitch.

And with that, I think I have pushed enough buttons to leave me alone with non-Christian Asian men.

Which explains Tran, Lum, Lee, Oh, Wang, Mi, and others with one syllable.

And...this leaves me at the same level of Lou Dobbs and Bill O'Reilly. So I was right about my calling -- I REALLY AM SUPPOSED TO BE A JOURNALIST.