Perfectly Flawed

Life has a mysterious force I want to know nothing about. It's too obvious how big of a speck I am in this universe to matter, and there's nothing these Christian self-help friends can say to help me think differently. I am told to take part of history, and along the way history will be made. But sometime between "The More You Know" promos and a six-figure salary, we begin to realize life is nothing more than survival. The extroadinary is of course, achievable, but apathy quiets that sucker down. Heroism is overrated anyway.

Relationships is the root of all evil. I'm never sure who actually reads my blog, but for blanket statements like that -- I can be sure no one agrees. I want to live in the city because it is the only place I do not get bothered, pretending my life is too busy to live when I live to make tv dinners before South Park comes on. No one will ever makes me happy and to an extent, neither can I. But I still enjoy me. I still forgive me. I can even forget me. I cannot expect the same of others. They aren't as perfectly flawed as I am.

I am getting a head start. The people around me do not know it, but I care about no one. The selfishness inside me sometimes seeps out and I have been called out. Yet, they do not understand that the muck inside me has already been realized. It's old news. Next to Steve Irwin. The shock value no longer has any value -- just another confirmation on a story that has already been published. So I offer my own confirmation. Yes, I am a quintessential asshole and jerk. Why have you never known such truths? You never asked.

Nothing is new under the sun. Each thought of mine may be argued and debated with -- I might even be so lucky to have one of those awkward "I read your blog, let's have lunch and I'll ask you how life is, in the hopes of you reciting your blog, so that I have an equal space to talk to you about it and correct you" moments. But in any case, I still feel the solidarity of those who have shared my heart and my thoughts...or at least understood it.