That Smell

I preface this story by suggesting you all go to facebook and take a look at the picture in my profile. With this and the David Hasselhoff picture in my last one, I am sad to say that it is not my own genius to post them up. My roommate and bud, AJ, has my password saved on his computer because for some reason, I have trusted him with it (and many other things) for the past three years of my life. He breaks it for things like this, and contrary to what you may think, the laughter he causes lets me trust him more.

When he nudged me to check my facebook, I knew he had done something. My first reaction was Why take down that GREAT Hasselhoff picture? I then planned on quickly removing whatever madness he took up there, but when I saw the new picture, I began to laugh hysterically in the workplace. Quickly realizing my yelp, I quieted down and could not stop laughing for the next 15 minutes. I began to shiver and hold my hands to my face, so I would not be surprised if others thought I was crying. I even pulled the I've-got-something-in-my-throat-so-I-am-coughing-but-no-way-I-am-laughing-at-something move.

I laughed so hard in fact, that I had to pee. And that's where the real story begins.

After coming from the bathroom, I received a message from one of the producers asking me to work on some video equipment for a taping she needed to do. I said Sure! and rushed down to get the materials. As I sat in the edit station waiting for the video to load up, I started to notice something. It was a smell -- an ungodly smell. The last time I had smelled that was in the men's restroom of New York City public schools. It stenched up the place.

And then I realized, I had just gone to the bathroom. Did I leak? I remember doing the after-pee shake quite effectively. But with three hours of work left to do, I could not afford another embarassing moment in front of these coworkers (Read my post - Palms).

So I did another move. I moved my fingers down to my crotch as if I were fixing my belt (how it was supposed to be fixing my belt - I DO NOT KNOW!). And then I would lift my fingers to my nose to smell it -- it was there. Repeat. Smell. That smell was there again. It was me!

But wait! Even when I did not do the finger-to-crotch-to-nose routine, I smelled it. So maybe when I was smelling my finger, I was not really smelling my finger, but smelling the air around it. No chances! I reached into my bag and put in 5 pieces of Eclipse breathmints into my mouth and ran into the bathroom to apply deodorant. Hopefully, making other scents stronger, I could balance the smell of piss from my pants. On the way back, though, someone shouted: What the fuck is that smell??? The good news? I was nowhere where he was standing.

Mission accomplished. Until I began speaking to my producer to which she replied, "Yih, do you really need that many breathmints? I can barely breathe here."