Disappointed

Though my facebook profile says moderate, do not be fooled. I only say that because I like to initiate political debates rather than respond to them. In actuality, I am starting to learn what a bra-burning, Bush-hating liberal I am. Or have been.

Up until this point, my silence and objectivity regarding Bush in the past six years have only been the surface to a large dislike for our president. But living in the South among conservative Christians as my best friends, it is hard to let that out without receiving backlash. (By the way, despite their frequent complaints that the college environment bashes their conservative viewpoints, I often feel the same way when talking to them).

Yet, amidst Bush's plummeting approval ratings and even the separation from key Republican leaders as they try to make their own political run, I am beginning to connect with Bush. Much of America has apparently lost patience with the president, providing little positive results with several issues, most notably the war in Iraq. And while I have agreed that the war was a mistake since we went in, what is happening now is a country beating a leader when he is down, crowding around him without any expectations of how he can improve. From countless "letter to the editor"s that describe Bush as ignorant and stubborn to many of his own friends questioning his tactics, there is only one word to describe the majority feeling towards him: disappointment.

I do not know how many stories we can tell from our past, but there is nothing much worse than knowing people are disappointed in you, whether that be a close friend or a nation that "elected" you.

And in some minute way, I feel his pain, for recently, I have heard a large amount of the silent and sometimes, not-so-silient faces of disappointment pointing in my direction. Some of it is warranted. Some of it is not. From an exposed sin to forgetting my mother's birthday, and from a lack of investment of relationships to unexpected future plans that surprise others, I am beginning to feel the brunt of disappointment from more than one angle.

Though there has traditionally been more pain felt for the disappointed than the disappointer, I will argue that the disappointer has it just as bad. Let's take a look at an example. Hypothetically, I hit Mary in the face out of anger, and I feel horrible about it within minutes. Though Mary's face heals, the relationship is still broken. And in that moment, it is almost like the punch transferred more than a blow to the face; it transferred power. For now, the power to release Mary's vengeful thoughts and my self-hatred and self-disappointment is in her hands. This power is none other than grace.

And in my starvation state for grace from my peers, I am starting to realize that I have the same power to offer it across the board, even to a president who has made several mistakes in the past six years. Whether or not he wants grace is not the issue. Because whether he wants it or not, he still needs it. As do I.