Enculeur de porcs!

The last time I checked, my god is American. His favorite cuisine is the Waffle House. He has rooted for America when Joe Louis beat the crap out of Max Schmeling and he was there in front of his TV screen when the 1980 USA Miracle team smashed the commies. He sends money to Sri Lanka and Pakistan (in large amounts), but at the end of the day, his heart weeps more than ever during 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. He wears red, white, and blue. Most importantly, he speaks English and nothing else.

I am not mocking my country or my fellow brothers and sisters that happen to take pride in this country. Neither will I walk around with a sign that exclaims, "God Bless America...and no place else!" But at the core of my heart, my actions have shown me that my god is monolingual with maybe a few skills in spanish to accomodate the rising Hispanic immigration rates. Knowing these facts about my god, I can go around saying things like "Hau ab, Du Pfeife" or "Vaffanculo" without a feeling of remorse or guilt.

I want to scream out these words of filth because I'm staring at filth in the face, whether it be my papers, my relationships, or my thoughts, and declaring to the world what I see. Like Adam in Eden's garden who sees a cow and names him "COW!", I am staring at "bullshit" and declaring it to be "BULLSHIT." But no, I have to lock it away and maybe scream out "Ahh" and say the Lord's prayer. Well, the reaction has been expected and respected, but my returning chess move might move you into checkmate. Simply translate the word into another language, and those who actually know what it means may chuckle a little bit because saying a curse in another language is like an 11-year old boy finding porn in his dad's drawer. It's exciting. It's new. It's forbidden. It's secret.

Once again, I fight this battle in spirituality where we ask ourselves why. Why am I doing these things that I do? For men or for God? No, the real question is, for women or for God? The battle has not been won, so therefore, I will not go into the sermon section of my post. I am very much in the tug of war between myself and myself. Maybe I will win, but I hope to God that I won't. But until I can say "Glorifiez Dieu" and "wo ai yeshu" with no one else around but silence and Him, I'll be hanging out with him, waiting for days when I can laugh and praise and worship, even in my sleep.