Brand New Day

It's been a rough after-college experience. I will do anything to go back to the mundane conversations of how little sleep we had, the late-night family guy viewings, and lying about why I cut class.

Everyday since graduation, it's like a sad vision of how life will be in fifty years, and everyday -- a new puzzle piece presents itself, realizing that nightmare as a reality. The biggest fear for me has always been to live a normal life or at least to find the normal life...normal. It could be worse.

I started out rolling a wheel, passing paper to a person in a suit, and pointing at cameras for five months. Then, for the last five months, I've been stuck working an overnight shift that has only made my physical and emotional state on the brink of depression. When I'm not working, I'm chasing after something imaginary -- someone to satisfy me. Food, sex, television, sports, or video games. All I need is access to drugs or money for alcohol and I would've experienced every self-destructive habit the world has to offer. I'm not even 23, and I already know why everyone does anything.

But self-pity never helped anyone. So I declare this a brand new day. And I made a promise to myself when I woke up. From now on, I will do something I can be proud of by the time I go to bed. It won't be amazing by everyone's standards, but I'll need my own moral victories. I'll try to do the crazy things like bungee jumping or the simple things like learning how to change a tire.

Today -- I started by running a mile. Nothing to write home about, but it's something to write in my blog about. Unless you've seen me in the past five months -- especially half-naked, you won't understand how hard that was for me. Nonetheless, I did it. The fat man on the treadmill -- I'm convinced we all need to go through that humiliating scene at least once in our lifetime. But I feel great. I ran. And I felt like I could've died. But I ran.

Till tomorrow, brand new day.